Quest of the Heart is all about living life from the inside out. Living life from the core of who we truly are. Really, is there any other way to truly live? (To be continued…:)
PETE’S PONDERINGS ABOUT MARRIAGE……. September 9th, 2008
Did you ever wonder, “Why do some marriages seem to be somewhat strong, vibrant and real while others seem so fragile, somewhat average and soon to be famished?” All of us, whether we are honest or not, have been around some couples a substantial amount of time in a variety of experiences and say “I want us to be like that!” We conclude that they have something special and we ponder “how do we get that?” The opposite has also occurred. We have been couples and feel the relational tension, or see their kids attitudes, or watch how they relate, and under our breath state ‘I do not want ot be like that!” Any marriage, if it is going to prosper and overcome the trial by fire life produces (whether we asked for it or not) needs to have two relational realities if we hope to live beyond mediocrity in our post modern times. We need a clear sense of direction and we need hope to get there.
Before we take any trip every one of us, for the most part, either google for a map or uses the Map Altas 2008. Why? We need direction to get from one place to another. So it is in marriage! We need direction. We need to plan how we are going to get from point A to point B.
Every once in a while whether it is meditating on the scriptures, seeing a scene in a movie, reading a book or watching people, we overtly or inadvertingly get a picture of what we desire to be like. It may be fragmented or not totally spelled out, nevertheless it is enough that we tag it in our minds as a mental picture of what we desire to be like and we begin to take practical steps towards arriving in that direction. But do you have a picture of the kind of marriage that God wants you to have?
God is the author of marriage. This whole “Fit to be Tied” was His idea. Therefore, we can confidently assume He knows about trust. He knows about sacrifice. He knows about what it takes to have marital harmony. I think it is a wise move to always ask Him about where we need to be heading. He will direct you and He will give you a picture of where you need to go. He will give you direction and tell you how to get there.
Therefore, what do you desire your marriage to be? If I may take a stab at it I believe that you desire to have a marirage where closeness is achievable, conflict is minimal and resolvable, finances are discussable and managable, child rearing is enjoyable, sex is fulfilling and engaging and God is able to restore the broken parts when we tripped over our feable attempts to get to the place of marital oneness.
Having marital oneness is having a picture of what you want your marriage to be like beyond mere words on a piece of paper!
Once we have a sense of direction of what we want it to look like, I think we need something else. We need hope. Couples need hope that the direction they want to go in IS ACHIEVABLE and not some fanciful, out in orbit, kind of expectation. Hope is best fostered when we see what we desire to be like in living fashion…. when you see what you desire modeled before you. When you can have one of “ah ha!” moments and say Ohhhh, that what it looks like… worked out.
Everyone in whatever season of marriage they are in, winter, spring, summer or fall, need to be arond couples where a healthy and strong marriage is passionately demonstrated. Where failures are discussed. Where self doubts are out in the open, where a wise experienced couple can say “you can get through this!”
One practical step to do that is to get a few couples together for a discussion night. Ask that couple that you admire if they would be willing to share about what has made their marriage successful. Be open and honest to learn from them. You may be surprised by how much a difference it can make in both the immediate and on into your future.
Direction and hope. A mental picture of what to shoot for, taking steps to get there, combined with mentor couples to see modeled what we desire to be. All these things can stir up hope that we can make it. Maybe you are planning to join us on one of our retreats we are hosting this fall. If so, we will be speaking and giving God an opportunity to refresh and renew your marriage. Email us with your interest and we will send you a registration!! Keep checking back for more of Pete’s Ponderings 🙂